Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Confessions: Life, where is this road taking me...



I had a chat with a good friend last night over MSN. The past few months have been quite a roller coaster ride for me internally, changing jobs, making new friends, readjusting and blogging.

Have you ever entertained suicidal thoughts? I did, many, many years ago. Why, you may ask? Well, it was due to study pressure and high expectations. However, it was also a major turning point for me because it was one of the prime motivating factors for me to accept Christ.

The negative side was due to that, I don't really hold life in high regard. The paper chase, the rat race and the prospect of dating and marriage held no appeal for me. Having good friends around is enough for me. Yes, I rather just to sit back and observe other people, albeit sometimes with a 'higher-than-thou' attitude. Yeah, it's not nice thought but that's the way it is. A cynical modern day philosopher...

I find life passing me by. If you ask me, if I had to live my life all over again, would I do things differently? Nah, I've given up such wishful thinking a long time ago. I think I'll probably repeat the same mistakes. What's the fun in reliving life with foreknowledge? It's like replaying a computer game with a walkthrough. Where's the joy in that?

Anyway, I'm not depressed or anything, in case you are wondering. Just having some deep reflections on moving on. Well, I'm hoping God still has some plans to shake me out of this complacent mindset.

4 comments:

Las montañas said...

You must have the craving, you must go for it. Cannot just sit there and watch things go by. Life is too short for that.

poohbearee said...

It's ok to sit back n let life pass by once in a while. Then must get excited n achieve goals set for yourself again. At least, I function this way.

If u r bored, come to lit red dot to look for us. We can force Monty out of his shell to meet us! *evil grin*

me said...

i think so too. i may not totally like now but if i had to do it again, i believe i will be walking down the same road. i am me. my choices will still be made based on my character, thoughts and what nots. much as i will prefer another route, i will still choose the same one...because it's the road i chose after much consideration. and i don't think my conscience will let me choose otherwise anyway.

perhaps the normal things ppl do like dating and marriage holds no appeal to u becos u are more of a bystander in life. u don't get involved. u just stand at the side and watch as it go past. the question to ask here and now is..will that be enough for you. if tmr is your last day, will you have any regrets? if not, then there's no problem. but if there is a part of you which wished you have actually lived instead of watching...perhaps u shld do something about now. ian says i jump to conclusions..and i guess with lack of information, i have to because otherwise i cannot comment. if this sounds like crap, just move on to the next comment.

Jonzz said...

LM: hmmm... nothing grabs my fancy at the moment. what to do?

Poohbearie: ooo, is that a promise? I might just do that sometime in the future...

ME: ha ha, we're only human. we can't read minds. I mean how much can u read off a blog except what the blogger chooses to reveal. I do have regrets like anybody else but I've chosen not to regret.