Wednesday, November 8, 2006

The Perils Of A Stoned Dog: Part I

Today, I took my dog to the vet to remove the sutures in his ear. Thankfully, I had the help of a friend.

I have a riddle for you: How many people does it take to bring a small dog to the vet?
Drag across the dark area below to read the answer.
The correct answer is two. One to drive the car. The second person to hold the dog while little doggy is sightseeing.

LOL, okay that was a lame one. Anyway, the vet greeted us.

Vet: *smiling* Ah, his ear is all better now.
Me: *concerned* Doctor, do we need to anaesthesize him again before you take out the sutures?
Vet: *smiling* No, no, as long as he doesn't fidget, it should be easy.

I was like, *duh* you are playing with the dog's ears and you expect him not to fidget. But hey, who was I to question a professional opinion?

Round 1: No drugs

We placed Scooby on the operating table. The assistant comes and holds the dog. Actually I was the one hanging on to the dog. Doctor puts pliers on ear. Snip. As predicted, Scooby fidgets. Snip. Ouch! Fidget. Jerk. Snip. Ouch! Fidget. Jerk. (The *Ouch* came from me... it was painful to watch ) Doctor becomes rougher and rougher. My pet starts whimpering.

Grumpy assistant : Aiya, this dog, cannot stay still. Why so fidgety?

My blood boiled. Does this woman really know dogs? The most sensitive part is the ear. For a brief moment, I entertained images of suturing up the woman's ear and removing them without anaesthesia. *Evil grin* Oops, back to reality. Fortunately, my temperature was still below boiling point.

Me: Doctor, I think we should use anaesthetic. Are there any side effects?
Vet: Oh, no problem, we are not using barbiturates.
Me: *raise one eyebrow, thinking* Oh gosh, my dog's gonna become a drug addict.

Round 2: Too much drugs

Vet prepares syringe. Vet lifts front foot and starts searching for a vein.

Me: *concerned* Err... doctor, aren't you going to inject him in the buttocks?
The doctor gave me a mental image of a drug addict looking for a vein.
Vet: *smiling* Oh, this method is faster. It will just take one minute to knock out the dog.
Me: Oh okay. (not convinced)

Jab. Jerk. Mission failed. Doctor goes for left foot. Jab. Jerk. Mission failed. Poor dog is whimpering and utterly miserable.

Me: Doctor, why don't we just stick it in the buttock?
Vet: *smiling* Oh, that will take three minutes to knock him out and is more painful.
Me: *fake smile... duh!* Didn't we just waste that amount of time? Let's just jab the buttock.

Finally, vet administers the dosage. Doggy goes into doggy limbo like a limp rag. *Sigh of relief*

Vet: *smiling* your dog has tartar. It's bad for the gums. Why don't we remove them now while he is anaesthesized to save on the cost. Normally, it will cost RM 70 but now we can do it for RM 40.
Me: Umm, okay. (Hey, who am I to argue with efficiency and economics)

For the next few minutes, I shudderingly observed my dog being manhandled like a piece of meat just to clean his dentals. Finally after 10 minutes, mission completed... or so I thought.

Vet: *smiling* Well, now you can take him home.

I stared at my drugged dog, it's tongue hanging out like an imbecile. I throw a questioning look to the vet.

Vet: Oh it's easy, just take it by both the legs
Me: *sweat* thinking... like a roast pig on a spit....

Anyway, I carried him to the car in a cradling style instead. Not easy, I tell you. Never ever do I want to carry an unconscious human. Carrying a small unconscious dog is difficult enough. I settled the bill and we headed home.


poohbearee said...

How is Scooby now?
Can I request that a pic of Scooby be posted on your blog? As in a current pic. Feel like seeing after reading your description :)

ian said...

LOL! Why would you want to carry an unconscious human home??



OH!!! You notti fella. You've given thought to spiking one's drink, haven't you??!!! MUAHAHAHA!

me said...

just stick the damn needle in the vet's backside. i got so frustrated reading the stoopid vet's antics. poor scooby doo. the inignity of the sick.

me said...

pssst...stop passing your ciggies to the dog. why does he have tartar? must use darlie toothpaste mah, and those braun rotating toothbrush lah.

Annie said...

Ummm. Jonzz dear? I thought your dog's name was Snoopy?

You guys are barbarians! Our vets here had used sutures that didn't require removing; they just dissolved after a week. No need to return to vet.

I hate Vets who manhandle animals. I think it's time to find another vet with more compassion.