Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Life and Death

Day 5 of 30

** Dark religious post ahead. Proceed only if you have high optimism or jonzz immunization shots.

I love Tuesday nights these days. There's Ugly Betty and Desperate Housewives on television. I'm a sucker for quirky stories with dark humour, clever twists and oddball characters.

But tonight's episodes have been somewhat a little darker than usual.

What else can you expect from season finales?

In one of these series, a character takes her life after a failed relationship. It made me think about life and death once again.

At times we hear, life is precious. At other times, we hear, human life is so cheap. Human beings are ever so full of contradictions. Having a good brain certainly did not make our life easier but more complicated. Makes one wish Adam did not take that fruit from the tree of knowledge. Well, we can always blame Eve. That was a joke. Don't start a debate.

Anyway, I was thinking about suicide. The topic of suicide, not committing suicide.

When I was in Form Three, a girl committed suicide before her results were out. When the results were out, she actually scored all A1s on in all her subjects. Back in those days, if you even failed your Malay language paper in SRP (yesterday's equivalent of PMR), you could not progress to Form Four. The added exam stress, parental pressure and current events made me strongly entertain suicidal thoughts. It freaked me out.

To cut a long story short, as a result I became a Christian. But so you know, no one goaded me. No one threw tracts and Bridge illustrations at me. And no one pushed my guilty feelings into overdrive til I zipped off into the nearest church. That's another long story.

But as a side effect of that period, I do not really hold life in high regard any more. Rich or poor, smart or stupid, black or white, married or single, tall or short, fat or thin, there is only one thing that is certain in life; from dust we came, to dust we will return. There is really nothing to envy another person for.

The Bible does quote in its most negative toned book, Ecclesiastes that everything is meaningless. We should just live, do good and be happy. Why be stupid and do evil if there is a possibility for eternal ramifications consequences?

Sorry I'm ranting again. To quote Jimbo, tis been a dark night for the soul.


me said...

i think thinking of suicide is quite normal. everybdy at some pt of their life must have....unless they are eternally optimistic. i guess it's gd tht it introduced u to religion....faith can make on so much stronger. i wish it was tht easy to convince me. i wld hv liked to believe..

u sound so mature....yet so detached. when you don't hold life in regard, many things can't hurt....but many things can bring joy too....

eve said...

I so agree with ME ....and like what you wrote..It takes one who is in the same mood as you to be able to comprehend what is going on...
*sits with Jonzz and share a cup of leong cha*

Annie said...

I think we judge ourselves more critically than how other people judge us. I think that's where envy comes from. One of the seven deadly sins I believe. It's hard not to look at what other people have and wonder "what am I doing wrong?" but I think it's just the way we've been raised to think. Someday I hope we can change our way of thinking and remember that we're all unique and have special purpose and meaning to be alive. Everybody has their hurts and struggles. No one is immune to life's struggles. Some people are just better at hiding it; but we all have it. It's a journey... it's what we all have in common.

Hang in there Jonzz.

Jimbo said...

The dark night of the soul can go on and on and on, for what seems like eternity but trust me, the dawn will eventually come. Been there, tasted the night, enjoyed the dawn.

King's wife said...

I follow these 2 series religiously too! I love Tuesday nights!
But I missed it last night!!!!
Aaaargghhhh! Cos blardy NST TV guide indicated different programmes! Normally I don't check the papers, but dunno why I did yesterday. So I thought last week's episodes were the finale. I didn't bother turning on the TV until about 11.15pm and there it was...the ending of the finale!!! &^%*@#$!

They better repeat the show on Thursday night like they normally do! Ish.....

Wuching said...

i've heard of someone trying to commit suicide on panadol overdose! hehehehehe...

winniethepooh said...

Jonzz, behind every cloud there is sunshine!

keep smiling, keep praying!


Las montañas said...

Remember, you are a pilgrim on a short walk on earth. For you no longer belong to the world.

Suicides: sometimes it is sad, but it (mental condition) is a sickness that we ourselves cannot will ourselves out of it.

Lee Ping (Mrs. HBT) said...


When one is in a dark tunnel, it is hard to do anything right. Perhaps, over long period of time, one get accustomed to the darkness.

However, God is the light at the end of the tunnel. If we continue to follow the light, eventually, we will walk out of the tunnel.

Once we are in the light, we will feel the ultimate peace, a peace that no one or nothing in this world can give. This peace will embrace us in times of need and in times of pain.

p/s Thanks for continuing to leave encouraging comments on my blog.

Jonzz said...

me, I think that's a state of being stuck in between. Heh!

Eve, 'leong cha' is nice. I like Tim Tam better. LOL!

Annie, thanks. Still hanging in there.

Jimbo, well, I prefer a more permanent dawn.

King's wife, I thought Thursday nights were not repeats?

Wuching, That's kinda 'sick', LOL!

Winniethepooh, Thank you.

LM, yeah, it's scary to be a prisoner of your own mind.

Lee Ping, thank you too. The feeling is mutual. You do leave encouraging comments here as well.

Liz said...

Jesus came so that we should have life to the full. Yes, it's fleeting and our lives can seem meaningless, but they mean a lot to God. Hope the light grows brighter for you and the darkness less encompassing.

Jonzz said...

Liz, thanks. I'm hoping so too.