Friday, August 24, 2007

Another Bitchy Musing About Friendship

I remember back way when I was in the youth group, people used to say, 'You shouldn't form cliques. You must learn to be friends with EVERYBODY'. Cheekily I might add, like Jesus.

Now older and more experienced, I realize that this is not only too idealistic, it can cause much pain.

After all, God created everyone differently; from the way we look, feel and think. Even identical twins will turn out differently in the end.

Friendship is such a complicated thing. That's why we have levels like acquaintances, casual friends, close friends and best buddies.

If you can be friends with everyone, then I'd say you should go into the counselling business. If not, you'll end up as everybody's unofficial Agony Aunt anyway.

Everybody needs somebody. The world today is very quick to judge and spoil the best of friendships. Every corner you turn, you are bound to run into such people with their thoughtless ideals and lame expectations.

Ever heard such statements:

'Hey! Still single arr. Why not married yet? What's your problem ar?'

'Waah, everyday go out with guy friends. Gay ar?'

'Ooo... see those two girls so chummy. I suspect they must be lesbians'

'See that fellow always go out with people younger than him. Heh heh, want to be like Michael Jackson.'

If you were insecure, being exposed to these cruel remarks consistently can really mess you up.

Everybody needs a good friend. It may take ages to discover one or that rare instant, but if you do find one, that's God's gift for you.

In a nutshell, I would say good friends let us be ourselves with our quirks and thorns, be the pain-in-the-asses that we are, and when the storm is over, they give us a pat on the back and say 'Let's go for a drink'. It doesn't mean they are pushovers though. When the situation calls for it, they will give us that much needed kick-in-the-butt. They stick wih us and protect our secrets. We may clash and differ in our opinons but it is 'As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another'. At the end of the day, we understand each other better and become wiser and better for it.

In friendship, I think we need to exercise this principle 'Do unto others what you would want them to do to you'.

When you criticize others, you better be ready to take it back in full measure. If you want people to listen to you, learn to listen first. He who wishes to have friends must first be a friend to others.

It's tough but it's worth it.


Jimbo said...

Wah, so deep, so deep...

poohbearee said...



Las montañas said...

I like.

Let me say again.

Today's friendships are superficial.

Do you have a friend (earthling) who is willing to lay down his life for you?

me said...

lay down his life for you?? forget about that, it's hard enuf trying to find someone who genuinely cares.

well said, jonzz. unfortunately, in today's busy world, it's hard to find someone who really gives a damn. even friends for many many years. i don't know why everybdy is so afraid to give of themselves...

Bibik Nyonya said...

that's why good friends are hard to come by and it should always be treasured if one comes along :)

Firehorse said...

Well said......I fully agree. Just one minor correction nia, hehe, I am a counselor and even we are NOT suppose to be friends with everyone la.

adrien said...

i totally agree. (agree with Me, and everyone else too in this case hehe)

i suppose it all comes down to a person's level of compassion and understanding. these values are hard to come by these days, often affecting friendships like u said.

which is why most of my good friends are insecure too. :p

but then again, the universe always has a way of balancing out everything. friendship, like everything else, needs to be gained. and whens something gained, theres something lost. and in the end, it all comes back to you told on, search, and be found. :) said...

I like the phrase:

True friend let you be yourselves.

When you ask for their advice, they advice you to help, not to hurt your feeling.

doc said...


very philosophical - & how true it reflects our lives.

if like you said, friendship is complicated, & there's more than a morsel of truth in that, then i don't think there is one priciple that dictates it's behaviour & dynamics, but Do Unto Others comes real close.

so, as a start, i'm going to extend my hand in friendship, & hope that we can be friends.

ChinkinIn said...

Be friends with everyone? Impossible!

When you get older and time is limited, you realise you want to save your time and energy for people that mean something to you. That way you can build on the relationship. I especially have no time for people when I think our paths may never cross again.

I know, it's extremely selfish. But if I don't look out for myself, who will?

winniethepooh said...

I do believe and agree with u that good friends, let us be ourselves ad when situation calls for it, will give us the much needed kick in the butt.

Sometimes and i still feel that most strong friendships are those formed during school close gfs are those from my school days. When u step into the working world, looking for a 'true and real' friendship among colleagues can be sometime disappointing..

Jonzz said...

[jimbo]: Drowning... drowning... *glub*

[PB]: Huh, why stressed?

[LM]: Haven't reached that point yet and no interest in putting it to the test. LOL!

[me]: Coz it's a competitive world. Everybody for himself. Sigh.

[bibiknyonya]: Yeah... agree wholeheartedly.

[firehorse]: LOL, tough job huh. It's like forcibly detaching yourself.

[adrien]: Agree with you there. Sometimes when we lose something, we gain something. That's why I believe there is a God.

[yenjai]: True, but sometimes people can take it in the wrong way, no matter how good our intentions.

[doc]: Thanks! Do hope we can be friends too.

[chinkinin]: Hmm.. as long as we part amicably, I'd like to think there is a chance we can meet again.

[winniethepooh]: I guess different priorities and responsibilities can somewhat cause people to change.