Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Forgiveness and Closure

If you watch old Chinese movies, you'll probably get the impression that the Chinese were a vengeful lot.

You know the plot pattern. My father kills your father. You kill my father. I kill you. Your son kills me. Your daughter kills my son. And the great circle of killing continues until there's no one left in the food chain.

Well, it's not very accurate to limit it to Chinese movies, right. Every other culture also has movies along the lines of revenge and retaliation. That's what makes them exciting.

Take the latest movie 'Wanted' for instance. Other than the cool bullet curving action, it pretty much rings of 'Revenge! Revenge! Revenge!'.


OK, no more spoilers. It was a pretty good movie. I hated the ending though.

I mean, imagine an action movie with forgiveness. Examine the revised plot pattern. My father killed your father. You forgive my father. End of story. I think that would pretty much sum up the action for the movie. Boring.

This is the part where I get preachy.

Buried within each one of us is an innate desire for justice especially if when we are wronged.

In Christianity, the resounding cry is to forgive. Forgive! Forgive! Forgive! In fact, for me, it is this simplified idea of Christian forgiveness that has reduced the image of the average Christian to a total doormat and martyr. "Slap my left cheek. Here's my right cheek as well".

Even a dog will growl, if you yank its tail.

Through the years, I no longer believe in the idea of blind forgiveness which is what most people in the Christian circles seem to subscribe to.

There must be honesty. There must be confrontation. There must be resolution. There must be closure. Then only can one even begin to truly forgive.

Turning aside and burying it does not make it go away. It will lie buried deep within your psyche like the lava running beneath a volcano, waiting for the right conditions to trigger another eruption. But who will end up as the victim?

Two weeks ago, I had closure. After years of crap from certain individuals, I finally had the long-awaited chance to speak up. Maybe it was for myself. Maybe it was for others.

But it felt good. Like squeezing all the pus out of a long neglected boil in your behind. Finally, the beast rested within me.

Guess I'm just not cut out for this forgiveness business yet. But better to be at peace with oneself than to be in denial.


me said...

finally. u've learnt to deal with it rather than ignore it, lick your wounds in silent and hope it won't rear its head again. much better for your mental state of mind. if only everybody can just speak their mind, sincerely, directly, things will be much simpler.

Las montañas said...

It is tempting to take things into our own hands.. but that has limitations.