Thursday, February 8, 2007

The Despair Of Dieting

I know you must be thinking
Why I'm in this sorry state
It started during shopping
In Terminal One after eight

I walked past the escalator
You know the mirrored wall
And saw my own silhouette
Oh gosh! I was appalled

Now filled with motivation
To rid this paunchly sight
I began this self torture regime
On that fateful Sunday night

Away with oily dinners
Stuff the golden fries
No more KFC and McDonalds
My lonely stomach cries

Nasi lemak for breakfast
No more! it is the past
My sweet and precious coffee
Oh God.. I don't think I'll last

Snacks, teas and suppers
I flush them down the drain
To get the perfect figure
3 meals only and healthy grain

Green tea and apples
Sounds like Dr Seuss' muse
They're now my breakfast diet
So please don't be confused

Ian tempts me with roast chicken
And tantalizing sirloin steak
Dang that cursed webcam
It's gonna make me break

Eat less during lunchtime
Make sure you halve the rice
Vegetables and fruits are good for you
Oh! what a bunch of lies

Oh deliver me from this suffering
My willpower's at an end
My body's in the office

- by the Insane and Gluttoneous Jonzz -

Note: Lack of crispy carbohydrates and tantalizing seductive proteins has rendered Jonzz incapable of sensible ideas at the moment.

[Day 4: Delusional from Dieting]


Ianfluenza said...

Orr... Blame me now lah??

ChinkinIn said...

Wow, how long are you planning to keep this up? Sounds bad. So all the best.

FireHorse said...

Oh, I hear you brudder and I feel your pain, I too am on a diet to lose this mid-life gain.

Las montañas said...

I tell ya, dieting is nonsense!

Like what I told FH, you can continue to enjoy what you eat, but make sure you exercise and expend 2X the effort.

And don't lose weight too quickly, it will add a flap of skin to your tummy, and you'll be off to see bernard and to have a tummy tuck!

I can smell the aroma of freshly cooked Macdonald's french fries! and ohlalala, curried rice with nice yummy drumstick!

Annie said...

Oh oh! Just a few more days Jonzz and you'll be on the cover of GQ or Playgirl or ... or.. What the heck do you need to diet again for?

Here, have a cigarette, it'll suppress your appetite.. and if you dare cheat, then get yourself a tattoo everytime you cheat on your diet. That'll train you.

It's portions little brudder.. it's all about halfing the portions and Oh, sit-ups help too.

me said...

ok, i support yr diet. send over yr new oven and all the stocks in yr kitchen. i'll whallop for you. then when i need to go on a diet, you'll come and lend me yr support, ok? what r friends for?

Wolfies Rants said...

One word....


my work is done...


JoMel said...

Don't be so obsessed with it lah. You cannot be too drastic in your diet one. Must just take it easy. Go have the roast chicken but with no skin and don't eat the whole chicken!!

I likey your poem lah. Not bad for a food deprived man! Hahahah...

Kok Hon said...

ROAST CHICKEN....Yummmyy.....hahahahahahaha

m5lvin said...

Don't go too extreme. Diet for a healthier life and not for the sake of losing the extra pounds in weeks or even days just to fit an outfit you've just bought or whatever reason for that....& in fact chicken is good for dieting. Don't eat the skin and choose to eat breast meat only coz that will help your muscles to become leaner* So should we have 1 roasted chicken, no rice please and a cup of milk perhaps...(weird combination though)*

Kyels said...

How long are you planning to diet?

poohbearee said...

Wow. Suddenly your blog is about dieting. Of all people. :)

Just stick to 3 balanced meal and you are fine. Roast chicken is fine leh. Just watch out for the excess carbo.

So much for the advice. I need to lose weight myself. My face feels like a pancake. *cry*

All the best to your diet. Head to the gym as well, pal.

Las montañas said...

wow, the travelling pooh is back! face feels like pancake huh? tsk tsk! roast chicken and carbohydrates?!!! I'm confused. chicken=meat=protein right?

Jonzz said...

Ian: That's becase you're a space goat, oops, scapegoat! ROFL!

chinkinin: Don't worry. I'm not starving myself.

firehorse: Gimme five!

LM: Augh, the tempter is here again! LOL, craving control first then exercise. LOL!

annie: I hear you, Annie! Sit ups... ouch!

me: Are you coveting ovens now, ME? LOL!

Wolfie: Hi Wolfie! Pizza delivery? LOL! Sure sure... extra cheese please!

Jomel: Don't worry. I'm just having meat cravings, LOL! Pain makes a man more poetic!

Kok Hon: mmmmmmm! and nachos too!

m5lvin: Roast chicken and milk? o.O Sounds really weird but then again... ROAST CHICKEN!

kyels: This is a long term thing.

poohbearie: Yay, she's back. ???Pancake face??? Why you say that of all things? I thought you're the health pro among us, with your marathons and all.


Las montañas said...

meat cravings!!

how about a nice medallion of roast prime beef dribbling all over with red wine sauce?

Las montañas said...

oh, I didn't know I come across as a tempter! Need to consider this as a mid career switch!

poohbearee said...

LM. No no....I mean roast chicken is ok. It is protein. Just watch out for excess carbo like potatoes,rice, all kinds of snacks etc.

Yes, Jonzz, I am back to haunt u. kakakaka......
I do marathons but I dun look like one who do marathons lor :(

Bernard said...

Jonzz, you CAN have your roast chicken... in fact roasting is healthy. Just keep the portions manageable (reduce it) and keep your physical activity up to burn (increase it) the calories you're taking in.

Weight reduction shouldn't be tedious. It could be enjoyable. May the force be with you.

Wolfies Rants said...

P I Z Z A!