Tuesday, March 13, 2007


I have a confession.

I envy people:
People who are totally driven to excel in arts, sports or whatever field of study they are in.

People who are driven to achieve better things in life and keep pushing themselves in their careers and ambitions.

People whose lives are given meaning by their loved ones and their children.

People who have dedicated themselves to some mission or voluntary work.
They seem to have it altogether and their lives have meaning.

I have decided that life was pretty much meaningless a very long time ago.

I would have thrown it all away too if not for that thing you call religion that teaches us that our actions have eternal consequences.

But I grow weary.

A person cannot simply exist.

But what if there is nothing that you love and nobody you find worth loving enough on this plane of existence?

Life then becomes like a prison.

I find myself getting simple satisfaction in just hanging out with friends and observing them living out their lives.

Foolish as it may seem, it gives me a temporary sense of fulfilment.

But in the long run, I find myself just becoming....



Las montañas said...

Is this the real Jonzz?

No. Therefore, will the real Jonzz be brave, come forward, and do whatever he thinks he likes to do. (Not counting those episodes of being the wallflower in others' company)

me said...

i'm with monty. not too long ago, i told u what u need in life is yr passion. granted, not everybody can find that. but you gave up even before you started trying. life is not handed to you on a platter, u've got to go look for it.

life will always look greener on the other side. those ppl u envy, they may be looking at u back with envious eyes. don't live thru others, u only live once.

there is nothing that u love and nobody that u want to love becos you haven't found it yet, not that it doesn't exist. hiding behind that computer, typing away, it's not going to jump up at u. go try everything. be it charity work, music, arts, whatever your mind can think of. if u don't try, how will u know it's not what u r looking 4?

is this work what u want to be doing? or r you just hiding behind something safe? somehow, i envision u'll be happier elsewhere, in a job that entails meeting ppl, creativity...

yr life is an open book, waiting to be written. u r the author. do u want white empty pages? or a steamy hot novel of someone who had dared to live and dared to love. i think u r afraid of being let down. live a little. what do u have to lose?

Wuching said...

i envy u wor..

poohbearee said...

I also feel like dat sometimes. But better to snap out of it. Sometimes it is the attitude which leads us to rediscover the passion again, whatever it is. Hope things will be going fine for u :)

I dun know you in real life. But hey, fren you've got a great blog personality!

Btw, we know that our God is NOT a religion ok :)

eve said...

i think u need a break...and a hug..here..*big beary hug for u...

Las montañas said...


let the feel good hormones come out!

climb to the top of gunung angsi and meditate! see the "world" below you. :)

Kyels said...

Never envy because you can be and make a difference yourself.


JoMel said...

what happened that caused you to find life meaningless?

I have had my fair share of disappointment with what was thrown at me. But I refuse to believe that life is meaningless.

Nobody and nothing can make us happy if we cannot find that sense of happiness from within us, if our heart is filled with sorrow. Learn to be happy Jonzz.

m5lvin said...

Don't ever underestimated yourself...ppl may envy you as well...at least you did a great job in drawing those cartoons which I could never come up with......

It's like a cycle i think...I envy you but you envy me (not me la but...)...yea =)

mott said...

Actually hor...those ppl u envy..ALSo have feelings of detachment...and resentment, anger, disillusionment, disappointment and sometimes, hopelessness.

so..u, me, n everybody..we just human.

u keep 5 minutes of self-pity for yourself...after that, no more! ENJOY!

Jonzz said...

Thanks everyone for the nice words. But this is something serious I'm dealing with for a long time, not just some passing blues thing. People have many sides: a cheerful side they keep for the outside and an inner self which no one ever sees. Once in a while, I like to express my thoughts to clear it.

poohbearee said...

u r truly v melancholic. well, but at least u know u got to deal with it. good sign :)

742 said...

I have this perception that people live for nothing. Cuz in the end, when one dies, one brings nothing... But the "every move makes eternal consequences" concept, I kinda agree with it...

Btw, simply satisfied is gud. Cuz you feel happy easily.