Tuesday, April 24, 2007

To Love or Not To Love

Have you ever thought about love?

Not the romantic type that draws two people together like a magnet. Or the silly crushes that make one ache for the presence of another.

I'm talking about the love that makes one human being to step out of his or her comfort zone and give of themselves to another when they have no obligation to. The unnatural kind of love that the major religions spout volumes about. Love for your neighbor, love for other living things, et cetera, et cetera...

Honestly, I don't feel worthy to speak about this. Yet...

Over the years, I find that the cumulative bad experiences, unpleasant betrayals and crushed expectations has corroded my capacity for love and good will.

It has become so easy to express love and not mean it. Love has become cold, intellectual and automated. An empty husk.

How do you regain love and compassion? Or is it like innocence; once it is lost, it is lost forever...

Some people will say, trust God and He will restore you. Sadly, at the moment, the potency of that idea is kind of overshadowed by my cynicism.

Sigh... what's the cure, huh?

Updates: Accidentally dropped and destroyed an old monitor at work today while trying to fix a computer. It's days like this that make you feel like shit.


Las montañas said...

Learn to first appreciate the good things that have been bestowed unto you, and remember the greatest unconditional love for all that are sinners in this world, and have fallen short of his majestic glory.

Annie said...

I was just going to say the same thing as Monty.. only in girl terms. My logical thought (not that I've been able to follow thru yet successfully) is to learn the biggest challenge of life - to forgive. Nobody says you have to forget the betrayals.. and definitely don't put yourself in the same position. How so strange you brought this up. I have a co-worker who continues to build up grudges. The chips on her shoulder is a terrible burden. It makes her unhappy. She doesn't understand the injustice she feels is bestowed upon her. She is angry a lot. Yet, she's the most religious of all of us. I told her today, "Everyone is entitled to believe what they want. Nobody's beliefs can be proven wrong." There was no comforting her. She wanted an apology. She wanted a "You were right and we're sorry.". She's not going to get it. We have to realize, I think, we're all human with all our flaws. We're all struggling to live in this world and coexist together. Some of us have strange ways of coping and living. You get to choose if you want to hold the burden of a grudge or just let it go... say, "I will have faith that God will somehow put you on the path that you need to go. It is not my problem and not my job to put you there" I've been betrayed... and it is *their* problem. You say to yourself, I am a good person. I didn't deserve this/that.. but somehow God thought you could handle it and be part of this person's journey of lessons. Who knows.

me said...

haha. throw in a melancholic post like that and everybody wants to get in the action of giving u therapy. *grins*

u don't know how to love because u hv grown cynical. it's hard. life's so full of ugly things that it's difficult to keep the magic, the innocence, the love, the life alive. that's the difference between a middle-age man and a young man. it's the enthusiasm about life, the cynicism.

it's not easy to put all this cynicism aside...but if you look closely, there is love all around. if you r incapable of giving it now, open yr heart and receive it first then. let yr heart be touched by the beauty in others.

from what i see, monty, annie, pooh and myself...we hv been faithfully coming to yr blog to console u when u r down. given, we have our own episodes too..but each and every of us hv taken the trouble, when we can squeeze in the time, to come and talk to you. that's love. being there for u, to talk u through...

look for the beauty in people and you shall see. you'll feel happier if you choose to see the beautiful side of people, instead of the ugly.

poohbearee said...

Trying to interprete what u really mean. Just wondering, do you feel detached and indifference and expects little of people then?

Cure? I think you already know where to find it. Anyway, I believe also it is all partly in the mind.

Bernard said...

Jonzz, you're God's unique creation. I like what ME said... if you can't give it.. receive it first. :-)

Annie said...

What? We love Jonzz? I don't luuurve Jonzz, I just like torturing him and poking him and making rude remarks to him. bwah hahahahahaha....

Cynic Annie
We're all cynics Jonzz. Welcome to the club!!! ME is the worst of all of us... LOL! She's our LEADER. She wins the prize.

Annie said...

We should start a support group:

Cynics R Us.

Some 12 step program is needed.

poohbearee said...

I am reading ME's and Annie's comments. LOL.

Annie, tell us the brilliant and cycnical 12 step program, pls?

Jonzz said...

LM: Thanks, dude.

Annie: I guess this is a personal struggle and partially 'religious' in nature. I need to rant this out because it is how I feel.

ME: LOL, yeah, you took the words out of my mouth. I am just bemoaning the fact that somehow actions have become so ritualistic and automated.

PB: On the one hand, you say you are trying to interprete what I say. On the other hand, you are jumping to all sort of conclusions.
Don't say such presumptious things like 'I think you know where to find it' and general stuff like 'It's all in the mind'. You don't have to give advice for the sake of giving advice. I do not know the cure. I am very serious about what I have said in this entry. If you do not understand, please read again.

bernard: Thanks.

annie: Gosh, love your jokes. You have a cool way of pulling people out of their melancholia. Thanks.

poohbearee said...

Wat?? Presumptious? Giving advice for the sake of giving advice????

Nothing to say and won't say anymore.


Jonzz said...

OK, my words were harsh and blunt.

And for that, I apologize.

But, I would be lying if I said your comments didn't tick me off because they did.

Annie said...

I think you both misunderstood each other - *banging heads together*. By all means Jonzz, share your rants! Sometimes you speak for the masses. We've all been there. I assumed PB meant that God will help you and being in the mind is implying we can be very analytical about our lives. Sometimes it can depress the heck out of you.

12 step program for the Cynical Support Group? Yikes.. we should all pool together with some steps. Wait. Are we trying to cure ourselves or are we just nodding our heads of how to destroy and conquer (geez, had to look up how to spell that word)

We need a Mission Statement for our Group and a cool name.

*Slapping Jonzz* That hurt you more than it hurt me.

oh! and you destroyed an old monitor... ! That was a meant-to-be thing. Things must die in order to be recycled.

Jonzz said...

Die to be recycled... sweat... I think we'll name that theory after you.

Annie's Recycle Theory - ART

Annie said...

LOL! WoohOO! I hope it gets into Wikipedia! Then I'll be famous! Famous! Famous! Annie's Recycling Theory - goes for boyfriends, girlfriends, friends... !!!!